Strength in Weakness

"No matter what we may encounter in this life, we who belong to the Lord Jesus have this definite knowledge--our Father will use it all in love as an instrument in the carrying out of the glorious purpose to which He has destined us. If that purpose is to be wrought by delivering us from a trial, He will do so. But if it is to be accomplished by means of the trial, He, in His perfect love, will not free us from it but strengthen us to go through it and be victorious over it." Andrew Murray

What a comforting and energizing truth. Encounters with physical pain, mental conflict, emotional stress, and the other multiple aspects of our humanity allow God to prove Himself Sovereign in love and strength. "Strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy." (Col. 1:11)

Christ knows our weak states, yet calls us to be His ambassadors. What can I represent? Nothing, within myself. Any "strength" or "goodness" of my own does not reflect anything but the earthly, self-focused pursuits that have no eternal value. So how am I to represent Him? Maybe it is through my weakness. When I am weak, His strength shines. Self is removed as my focus moves past what little I think I may have to offer Him to the acceptance of His might in my complete inability. This can be the only true representation of Christ--Him in me, the hope of glory. And because He is in me, I am "strengthened with all might." I cannot imitate, but I can reflect. The more I encounter Christ, both His power and His suffering, the more He will be seen through me. What a privilege in weakness.

Thanksgiving

"For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be glory forever. Amen." Romans 11:36

What a great "Thanksgiving" verse, and it doesn't even mention the word! I am very thankful for many things, like beautiful skies and a wonderful family. But the past few days have turned my thankfulness toward truths surrounding God's character.
-His strength is sufficient--the two weeks leading up to Thanksgiving Break were the most stressful of my entire academic career, yet I completed them through a continual awareness of my very real need for His strength.
-His timing is perfect--I don't think I would have been able to withstand the rigor of my responsibilities much longer than I did. Thanksgiving Break provided a necessary respite from school and refreshed me for the final sprint. And I haven't even gotten sick!
Being home with my family was special. Buddy and I enjoyed time at Sugar Hollow Park (I took a picture of him rolling down the grassy dam), and Grace, Dad and I had a great run there Thursday morning. Katie and I got in several rounds of our favorite game, Cribbage, and Mom beat me three consecutive times in Scrabble! Good thing I'm not competitive. . .
In thinking through what I am most thankful for, I cannot narrow my focus without neglecting things for which I am to be equally grateful for. "In everything give thanks...." Can I even be "most thankful"? But present circumstances have centered my thanksgiving around the truth that God allows hardships to make me more like Christ. Everything He does is done out of love. And everything is working to bring Him glory. Because of my natural bent toward self-sufficiency, I am thankful for the weaknesses He exposes in my life that force me to rely on Him rather than myself. No, the process is not the most pleasant, but how much more rewarding than to live a carefree life that bypasses the growth of dependence on God alone!
Romans 11:36 suggests a response of lifelong thankfulness. I desire to have a heart of thanksgiving long past the celebrated holiday. And I am thankful to serve a God worthy of such honor.

Weekend Plans

I leave early tomorrow morning for Norfolk, VA where the annual VMEA conference is being held. (Music Education) Since I am part of the symphony orchestra, which will be doing an afternoon performance, as well as grad. assistant for JMU's music ed. program, (and thus responsible for food and set-up/clean-up for an evening reception), I will have a full day of driving, performing, shopping, and serving. Unfortunately, I don't know how much I will be able to interact with the various music educators, but it will be a good opportunity to see some of what they do. After clean-up, I plan to return home late tomorrow night.
Then for the weekend! I have more to do than seems feasible for the next few days, but I want to anticipate seeing God do what I cannot. My natural self-sufficiency demands His bringing me to the "impossibilities." Yet I desire to live in the dependent state at all times."

A Week of Updates

One more week now in the past. One more week of claiming dependence out of self-inability. And one more week of God's love and faithfulness proved. The past two Sundays I have visited a new church--and been refreshed. We sang Great Is Thy Faithfulness this morning, and heard a great message from I Thess. 2:17-3:5 about having an affectionate love for the body of Christ that is motivated by the confident hope of the Lord's return. (Col. 1:5) Thank you to those who have been praying about more opportunities for my interaction with fellow believers. He is answering in ways that I can trust are best.
Thank you also for praying for my wrists. After cutting back on practice time, this past week went much better. I plan to see a hand therapist over Christmas break, and until then trust that the Lord will provide all I need to faithfully complete what He calls me to.
I haven't talked much about academics, but my classes are going well. Research Methods and its semester paper project has consumed about 90 hours thus far, but I turn in my rough draft on Tuesday, 11.13! My study of Beethoven's last 5 string quartets in light of his severe physical ailments has been extensive, though I feel I have only learned a fraction of what exists. Maybe that is normal!
I am motivated to work as much as I can on my other paper/presentation that is due the Wednesday after Thanksgiving break. I want to be able to enjoy time with my family. So this week I will be immersed in the variations of Beethoven and their influence in Brahms's.
My biggest struggle this past week was dealing with the worldly influences. While I am thankful for the protection the Lord has given me for much of my life, my sensitivity somehow seems to make the impurities stand out more strongly. I find it difficult to replace them with eternal truth, rather than trying to eliminate the earthly. Focus on ridding the bad just makes it more prevalent. But I am thankful for God's Word that is able to renew my mind. I would be grateful for your prayers that I would allow Him to do that unhindered, and that I would continually respond in obedience to the mirror of His Word so that I can be a light to those around me.
"He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it." I Thess. 5:24

Faithfulness Proved

This weekend has been full of evidences of God's faithfulness. A great story could accompany just about every example, but a list will have to do for now. He has been faithful to provide time, but not in excess!
-My wrists, though not healed, sustained supernaturally through my accompanying performance on Saturday. I have since been on "wrist rest" which I believe has been helpful. My plan is to resume playing tomorrow, Lord willing.
-A direct answer to a prayer by a friend in Franklin, VA: I found out that a senior piano performance major in my accompanying class leads a weekly Bible study on Sunday nights with other pianists on music and God's glory. The material comes from the Christian Performing Arts Group based out of Indiana. I hope to attend when it resumes next week.
-Last week, after a clear direction to look for a new church, I visited one this morning that I believe will provide the ability to worship as well as be refreshed -- another specific prayer request answered.
-I have had increasing opportunities to befriend another first year grad student. She notices a difference and has pursued interaction. Whether through running or accompanying or something else, I believe the Lord will use these times to allow me to present the gospel at some point. Please be praying for my discernment in God's timing.
I know many of you have prayed for these things, and others, and I want you to know that the Lord is at work whether each answer is clearly evident at this point or not. I thank you, and I thank my God upon every remembrance of you!

Choosing Perspectives

From the human perspective, circumstances are posing frustration, and timing seems anything but opportune. My wrist pain is spreading into new territories and beginning to noticeably affect my playing abilities. Tomorrow I am to perform with a vocalist for her senior recital, and I have multiple responsibilities with other studio and area performances coming up shortly. The increasingly necessary doctor's visit fits nowhere in my life right now! Neither does rest.
But from God's perspective, I can only imagine things look quite different. While His thoughts are not my own, He has provided His Word as insight into His character and work. As a result, I have the assurance that the multiple weaknesses and seeming hindrances in my life right now are working toward a great end. And I am not left without the strength I need for today. My hope remains steadfast.
"His compassions fail not. They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion,'
says my soul, 'Therefore I hope in Him!'"
Lam. 3:22-4
I am eager to witness how the Lord will prove Himself strong in my weakness. It is a humbling experience to be weak. But the result has far greater and lasting results. Please pray for me, not so much for wrist healing, but rather for my growth in dependence and greater reflection of Christ. Whether He chooses to answer through healing or through a better way, I want to keep His perspective.

Acknowledge

"I thank my God, making mention of you always in my prayers, hearing of your love and faith which you have toward the Lord Jesus and toward all the saints, that the sharing of your faith may become effective by the acknowledgment of every good thing which is in you in Christ." Philemon 4-6

We have plenty to acknowledge, at all times, no matter our circumstances. We are complete in Him. He has given us everything we need for life and godliness. He has blessed us with all spiritual blessings. The more we acknowledge, the more effective our witness can be. What will it take to get us to acknowledge our richness?

Eternal Relationship

"And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent." Jn. 17:3

Eternal life is a result of a relationship. So much of what circulates as "spiritual conversation" here is only about religion. Mine is not that. I have a personal relationship with my God because Christ brought Him glory through His complete obedience (Jn. 17:4). This is what I want to share!

Gracious Gift

My devotions went as far as my "Pauline prayer" for the morning. I couldn't get past 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17:

"Now may the Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and our God and Father, who has loved us and given us everlasting consolation and good hope by grace, comfort your hearts and establish you in every good word and work."

Paul makes a request, but begins it by stating an already proven truth that validates his request. (I cannot help but begin in praise for the ability to have such confidence in our God!) The initial truth is that Christ and our Father (commentaries explain the verb usage to reveal a unification establishing equality of the Persons) has done two things: 1) loved us, and 2) by grace has given us unending comfort (encouragement) in our present struggles and good (beneficial) hope through the promise of eternity with a victorious Savior.

On the basis of these gifts, Paul can confidently ask his two-fold request: 1) that this same Giver would comfort the hearts of the Thessalonians who had misunderstood through false teaching and become fearful regarding the Day of the Lord (2:1-3), and 2) that He would establish (strengthen) them both in what they spoke (gospel sharing: defense and confirmation of the gospel), and in what they did (gospel living: doing all to the glory of God).

While these two short verses are packed with incredible truths, I was most encouraged by the little phrase "by grace" at the end of verse 16. This is a prayer that is only possible through God's grace. I have no present encouragement, no future hope, no comfort or strength to live and speak as I should without His enabling grace. What praise can I render for such an indescribable gift? I believe He will be most honored if I will respond wholeheartedly to it.

A Timely Break

My break in Va Beach last weekend was refreshing and timely. I was so thankful for the time spent with Grace, with Gramps and Gram, with Kirk Lehner, and the added blessing of seeing Uncle Matt from Northland! The brief but quality time helped me relax, refocus, and even reconsider my purpose here. I'm not ready to quit school, but I am striving to find how the Lord wants me to gain for eternity in everything I do, and not just to store knowledge for the here and now. I did come back from my weekend with some looming questions, but have since had a good talk with my wise mom, and I am confident that the Lord will continue to guide me. I feel somewhat like a pendulum swinging back and forth, but (if the analogy holds) it should continue to narrow its width of extremes.
Thank you to those of you who pray for me. I covet these more than ever as my presently fewer opportunities for spiritual fellowship give thanks for those of the past and confidently hope for the future. I rest in the comforting assurance of God's perfect provision in every area of my life. He Himself is what makes it so. The Giver has provided a Gift that cannot be surpassed.

The Blessings of Fall

Besides being my favorite season, Fall at JMU includes a school break. While this "Fall Break" consists only of a Friday off, it allows for a long weekend which I plan to spend in Va Beach with Grace, my grandparents, and also Uncle Matt. The timing of the respite is of the Lord. This week I have struggled with missing my Northland friends and the spiritual environment that surrounded me there. I have the confidence that the Lord is providing all that I need, but I am having to choose to dwell on unchanging truths rather than past experiences.
Yesterday's devotional in None But the Hungry Heart read, "We never surrender what we value until we find [something] better, and man is so full of himself and his own will that until he finds out the sovereignty of his Father's will he can be neither an obedient nor a suitable servant." It goes on to say that He often teaches us this lesson through trying and painful circumstances. His purpose for this is not our pain, but rather our realization of dependence on Him. What proof of His sovereignty! He does work all things for our good and for His glory. My time here at JMU is working toward these ends, and I can choose to rejoice in this.
And in the meantime, I am exceedingly thankful for the opportunity I have to be refreshed this weekend.

Blessings in the Void

From a musical standpoint, the weekend of travel and performance went well. However, an obvious void loomed as all the attention and focus centered on none but the temporary. From the times of "focus" to comments like "Tonight is about us," the aspect of public praise to the Lord was painfully lacking. But how thankful I am to still be able to do all that I do to His glory, even if only in my heart. And the Lord also put me with two Christian girls on the team for the weekend and allowed us to stay Friday night with a lady who understood musical ministry. These were encouragements to me, along with little things like a walk in the fall leaves before Saturday's performance, finding a penny on the piano, and getting to see my Dad in Richmond. The Lord is so good to continue to bless and encourage as He teaches me.

A Tour to End the Week

I leave tomorrow morning for a mini-tour with the Madison Singers, a 24-voice ensemble I am accompanying this semester. We will be performing twice in Richmond, Va on Friday, and again on Saturday evening in Charlottesville, Va. While it won't be quite like my experience with Northland's Fall '05 Ministry Team, I am thankful for the opportunities I've had and will continue to have to share music with others. My main role with the group is a set of Nocturnes by Morten Lauridsen. But more than providing piano accompaniment, I hope to be a usuable instrument in shining Christ and spreading the message of the gospel. Would you please pray that the Lord would give me grace and boldness to offer myself in this way?

"We will sing and praise Your power." (Ps. 21:13 NLT)
"It is not that we think we can do anything of lasting value by ourselves. our only power and success come from God." (1 Cor. 3:5 NLT)